For me, life before motherhood is somewhat of a blur. Just this past weekend I was telling my twin sister, “I don’t really remember life before becoming Jada’s mom.” I definitely have memories of my life before my daughter, but in retrospect, it all kind of seems like another lifetime ago.
When I gave birth to Jada I wasn’t only gifted a beautiful baby girl, but she also returned my sensitivity. She restored my ability to be compassionate for certain things in life that I had lost all hope for, like untainted love.
“Stop crying Dana! You’re stronger than this,” is what my twin sister yelled to me a few months back when my fiancé disappointed me, to say the least.
In that moment I realized that she was right. I WAS stronger than that. I WAS desensitized before Jada. I experienced disappointment my whole life. In fact, when someone didn’t disappoint me, that’s when I found it to be surprising.
Maybe because in that moment of depression and disappointment I realized that I never wanted my baby girl to know what that felt like. Now that my “evil streak” is slowly but surely fading away, I know that Baby Jada will one day have to face pain and sadness and disappointment and hardships, so that she too can be strengthened by them. I now know that even MY baby has to know what the rain feels like so she can be strong like her momma to bare the storm.