I want to share a secret with you guys. Promise not to tell anyone? (which is clearly a rhetorical question because NOBODY keeps a secret anymore). Early on during my pregnancy, before I found out the gender of my baby, I used to pray for a boy. I would always tell everyone I was yearning for a boy because I wanted to give my fiancé a little boy. I was certain he wanted a little “mini-me.” I was lying, not only to anyone who inquired, but moreover to myself. Truth be told…I really really wanted to give myself a boy! Girls are tough! I know how hard it is being a woman in this world of “there’s no such thing as an untold secret!”
Not only did I want to give him a mini-me I was terrified of having to raise my very own ‘mini-me.” Introducing a girl to this cold world is a very daunting task for a mother. When she was first born all I could do was think about how I would protect her and shield her from all the things in the world that tainted my heart, mind, and soul. I’ve learned in these short two years, that is an impossible task. I am not the first mother to try to take on this unrealistic goal and I am sure I won’t be the last. I won’t be able to protect her from the inevitable heartbreaks. I won’t be able to stop her from making the mistakes I made. I won’t be able to tell her who is really her friend and who is not… Who has good intentions and who does not (I certainly didn’t heed my mother’s warnings).
I realize now, just like my mother could not save me from myself, I can’t protect Jada’s heart or subsequently my own. All I can hope to do is teach baby Jada how to be a good woman in a world full of bad bitches. I can teach her how to be a good friend, even though admittedly I have fallen short. I can teach her to treat people with respect (because I have been both the giver and receiver when it comes to disrespect). I can teach her to not act based purely on her emotions and explain to her why being level headed, in spite of your feelings, is always best (undoubtedly my emotions have gotten the best of me before). Most of all I can show Jada how to be all of these things and lead by example. We are all flawed and we all make mistakes. From woman to woman, from mother to mother, leave your mistakes in the your past. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is on its way. Every day is a chance to make a difference and to show our children how to be better people than we were able to be. Youth is undoubtedly wasted on the young. Keep talking, keep teaching and keep loving. Talk to you soon fellow mommies.
Backboard Mommy 💋